How to Deal with Feelings of Unfairness

Life isn’t fair.

Know the feeling? I think everybody does. And when you’ve suffered heartbreak as a result of one or more life-changing losses, there’s a good chance that your story about what happened (you know, the one you tell to your confidants) includes the notion that it wasn’t fair. Even if you keep it to yourself, the thing is that the whole idea of fairness tends to make people feel worse instead of better, especially when they’ve suffered some kind of heartbreak or life-changing loss.

The concept of “fairness” is a mixed bag.

If you’re getting support from sympathetic friends who agree that whatever happened in your life wasn’t fair, it can feel helpful. But if telling yourself it wasn’t fair fuels the fire of your feelings of anger, sadness, blame or regret, and overall misery, then it’s doing you more harm than good. In either case, to be less at the mercy of the concept itself, you’ve got to raise your awareness about your own beliefs and feelings about it.2 Jo on Fairness

Where did your ideas about fairness come from?

The concept of “fairness” is a sticky wicket. It’s relational and situational; it’s religious and historical; it’s legal and ethical. And it tends to bring up a lot of emotion for most people. It’s perfectly fine to believe whatever you do believe about it, with one catch: your beliefs about fairness will have direct bearing on your ability to recover and get back on your feet after having the rug pulled out from under you.

Here’s the link to my podcast about fairness. In it, i will:

  • Propose a new way to think about the concept of fairness that will ease your emotional misery and increase your serenity.
  • Show you the powerful connection between the concept of fairness and Acceptance, Deep and Complete.
  • Give you a simple practice to help you clarify your own beliefs about fairness and decide whether they are helping or hindering your efforts to restore your emotional well-being.

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If I Had Known Then What I Know Now…

Have you ever said these words to yourself? The thing is, hindsight is 20-20. And our regrets are usually based on what we DIDNT know then. We live forward but we understand backward. And the problem with regret is that it drains your energy and makes you increasingly more vulnerable to sadness, depression, and anxiety the longer you live with it. Worst of all, it prevents you from enjoying life in the present.

Regret has a way of creeping up on us without our noticing.Jo Werther

Regret makes our world smaller and smaller. Feeling stuck in this way is about the what-ifs and if-onlys that run around inside your head like a gerbil on a wheel. If you keep going over and over it inside your head, no wonder it becomes more real than whatever is right in front of you.

There is a way to get free from this vicious circle.

The key is to raise your awareness of your self-talk. Because if regret is an issue for you, chances are it’s pretty negative. And to the degree you’re not aware of the story you’re telling yourself – about yourself, about other people, and about whatever happened to cause your regret – you’re going to continue to perpetuate your own misery. And that’s what keeps you stuck. But it doesn’t have to be that way.

Don’t Believe Everything You Think.

We all have a way of talking to ourselves about the things that happen in our lives. Everyone has a unique perspective. That’s why raising awareness of our stories is key. Because only as we become aware of them can we being to work with them in ways that are actually productive. And that’s how you resume living and loving life.

Here’s the link to my podcast “Don’t Believe Everything You Think.” In it I will:

  •  Explain why raising your awareness is the quickest way to get unstuck from regret
  •  Give you a technique to help you change the way you’re looking at things
  •  Tell you a story that illustrates the power of this technique

Listen to this episode. Post your thoughts below!

The “How” Question


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Jo Wether

Acceptance, Deep and Complete: Off The Page and Into Your Life

Though the concept of acceptance can be inspiring, it’s not much use if it doesn’t stick to your ribs. How then to achieve that? Practice. Short, simple, knock-your-socks-off practices. The only catch? You have to actually do them. It’s mundane. Like going to the gym and lifting the weights, walking on the treadmill, riding the bike… you just roll up your sleeves and you do it. The good news? They can be brief. They’re simple. And they’re incredibly effective.

Acceptance and Change: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Change comes more quickly and easily the more we practice Acceptance, Deep and Complete. Moreover, when we are actually practicing it (as opposed to merely thinking about it), we’re actually already changing. But it’s not instant. It’s not a vending machine. So to begin with, you must take it on faith. The more you practice, the more you will know it for sure, because you will experience it for yourself.

Ready to get started? Click here.

In this podcast, I will:

—talk about the “how” question (How do you actually practice, Acceptance, Deep and Complete?”)

—teach you the “Right Now” practice.

—Give you some tips for remembering to do the new practices you’re learning.

Have you ever noticed that your emotions, especially when they’re negative, tend to project themselves into infinity with words like always and never, everything and nothing, everyone and no one? When you’re in the grip of your hardest woulda-shoulda-coulda moments, the “Right Now” practice makes a tiny change that can change everything for you.

But you’ve got to give yourself to it, even just for a moment. Try it and see what you think!

If you’re having trouble getting back on your feet after life-changing loss, let’s connect! I’d love to help you get up and moving again. Just click here to schedule a free consultation with me.

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Overcoming Overwhelm

When you’ve lost a piece of your heart, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.

The process of recovering from loss can feel impossible on the best days, never mind the other days. In fact, it can be oddly tempting sometimes to give in to your feelings of hopelessness. It’s not that they feel good… they’re just so familiar. Even when you know that the past is the past and what’s done is done, the prospect of starting over can feel incredibly overwhelming.

It can be really daunting to face the blank page of an entirely new life chapter.Jo Werther

It takes a lot of courage to set aside preconceived notions of what’s possible for you and your life now, but that’s precisely what you must do… otherwise, they will hold you back, like a ball and chain around your ankle, as you try to get unstuck and moving again.

Thomas Jefferson said, If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.

In order to get free from regret and make peace with your past, you’ve got to tap into that part of yourself that can still imagine being back on your feet and living a new and good life. It means different things to different people, but everyone relates to the need to somehow lay the past to rest. And no matter what went before, everyone deserves to be able to move on and resume living and loving life.

There is no road map, no pre-planned itinerary, and no timeline for the process.

It’s a river that can’t be pushed. The trick, if there is one, is to go with the flow of the moment at hand, and then the next one, and then the one after that, one moment and one step at a time.

Here’s the link to my podcast entitled “Overcoming Overwhelm.” In it I will:

– Explain why it’s natural to struggle with overwhelm in hard times

– Show you the hidden logic in feeling stuck even though you want to move
forward

– Offer some concrete suggestions to help you tap into your strength to get
back on your feet and onto the path that leads to your new, good life

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When You Feel Broken Inside

Stop pouring salt on your own wound.

On days when you have to look up to see the bottom of the world, it can be especially hard to do things that you know would help you. Most people struggle with this sometimes. But pouring salt on your own wound is another story. If whatever happened in your life is the source of your pain, then adding salt is the source of your suffering. And the good news is that you can learn how not to do that.When You Feel Broken Inside

The idea is to get through the bad days without making them worse than they already are.

When you’re feeling gripped with strong emotions like sadness and regret, your basic habits of mind, body, and spirit – what you think, what you do, and how you feel –  will either help heal the pain or make it even worse. And if you tend to kick yourself when you’re already down, don’t worry; you can learn how not to do that too.

Easy does it.

Your ability to hold yourself gently, even amidst the awful harshness you’re feeling inside and out, is going to be key. No matter what happened, you deserve the same compassion that you would give to anyone else. It may sound like a tall order, but it is definitely possible, and you really can learn to do it. As you do, even your hardest times will become a bit more bearable. And a little relief can go a long way.

Ready to pick up the pieces and move on?

You may never feel whole again if you compare yourself now to yourself at some earlier time in your life, because the truth is that we don’t get “over” things. But we do get through them. And those broken pieces are what become the new and unexpectedly beautiful mosaic that is you. They’re what become the solid ground you’ll walk upon, one step at a time.

Here’s the link to my podcast entitled “You’ll Never Be The Same.” In it, I will:

  • Tell you how to get through your bad days without making them worse than they already are
  • Give you concrete skills for self-care
  • Share the story of my own “hitting bottom” moment

After you have listened to it, post your thoughts below!

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