The “How” Question


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Jo Wether

Acceptance, Deep and Complete: Off The Page and Into Your Life

Though the concept of acceptance can be inspiring, it’s not much use if it doesn’t stick to your ribs. How then to achieve that? Practice. Short, simple, knock-your-socks-off practices. The only catch? You have to actually do them. It’s mundane. Like going to the gym and lifting the weights, walking on the treadmill, riding the bike… you just roll up your sleeves and you do it. The good news? They can be brief. They’re simple. And they’re incredibly effective.

Acceptance and Change: Two Sides of the Same Coin

Change comes more quickly and easily the more we practice Acceptance, Deep and Complete. Moreover, when we are actually practicing it (as opposed to merely thinking about it), we’re actually already changing. But it’s not instant. It’s not a vending machine. So to begin with, you must take it on faith. The more you practice, the more you will know it for sure, because you will experience it for yourself.

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In this podcast, I will:

—talk about the “how” question (How do you actually practice, Acceptance, Deep and Complete?”)

—teach you the “Right Now” practice.

—Give you some tips for remembering to do the new practices you’re learning.

Have you ever noticed that your emotions, especially when they’re negative, tend to project themselves into infinity with words like always and never, everything and nothing, everyone and no one? When you’re in the grip of your hardest woulda-shoulda-coulda moments, the “Right Now” practice makes a tiny change that can change everything for you.

But you’ve got to give yourself to it, even just for a moment. Try it and see what you think!

If you’re having trouble getting back on your feet after life-changing loss, let’s connect! I’d love to help you get up and moving again. Just click here to schedule a free consultation with me.

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Overcoming Overwhelm

When you’ve lost a piece of your heart, it’s easy to feel overwhelmed.

The process of recovering from loss can feel impossible on the best days, never mind the other days. In fact, it can be oddly tempting sometimes to give in to your feelings of hopelessness. It’s not that they feel good… they’re just so familiar. Even when you know that the past is the past and what’s done is done, the prospect of starting over can feel incredibly overwhelming.

It can be really daunting to face the blank page of an entirely new life chapter.Jo Werther

It takes a lot of courage to set aside preconceived notions of what’s possible for you and your life now, but that’s precisely what you must do… otherwise, they will hold you back, like a ball and chain around your ankle, as you try to get unstuck and moving again.

Thomas Jefferson said, If you want something you’ve never had, you must be willing to do something you’ve never done.

In order to get free from regret and make peace with your past, you’ve got to tap into that part of yourself that can still imagine being back on your feet and living a new and good life. It means different things to different people, but everyone relates to the need to somehow lay the past to rest. And no matter what went before, everyone deserves to be able to move on and resume living and loving life.

There is no road map, no pre-planned itinerary, and no timeline for the process.

It’s a river that can’t be pushed. The trick, if there is one, is to go with the flow of the moment at hand, and then the next one, and then the one after that, one moment and one step at a time.

Here’s the link to my podcast entitled “Overcoming Overwhelm.” In it I will:

– Explain why it’s natural to struggle with overwhelm in hard times

– Show you the hidden logic in feeling stuck even though you want to move
forward

– Offer some concrete suggestions to help you tap into your strength to get
back on your feet and onto the path that leads to your new, good life

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When You Feel Broken Inside

Stop pouring salt on your own wound.

On days when you have to look up to see the bottom of the world, it can be especially hard to do things that you know would help you. Most people struggle with this sometimes. But pouring salt on your own wound is another story. If whatever happened in your life is the source of your pain, then adding salt is the source of your suffering. And the good news is that you can learn how not to do that.When You Feel Broken Inside

The idea is to get through the bad days without making them worse than they already are.

When you’re feeling gripped with strong emotions like sadness and regret, your basic habits of mind, body, and spirit – what you think, what you do, and how you feel –  will either help heal the pain or make it even worse. And if you tend to kick yourself when you’re already down, don’t worry; you can learn how not to do that too.

Easy does it.

Your ability to hold yourself gently, even amidst the awful harshness you’re feeling inside and out, is going to be key. No matter what happened, you deserve the same compassion that you would give to anyone else. It may sound like a tall order, but it is definitely possible, and you really can learn to do it. As you do, even your hardest times will become a bit more bearable. And a little relief can go a long way.

Ready to pick up the pieces and move on?

You may never feel whole again if you compare yourself now to yourself at some earlier time in your life, because the truth is that we don’t get “over” things. But we do get through them. And those broken pieces are what become the new and unexpectedly beautiful mosaic that is you. They’re what become the solid ground you’ll walk upon, one step at a time.

Here’s the link to my podcast entitled “You’ll Never Be The Same.” In it, I will:

  • Tell you how to get through your bad days without making them worse than they already are
  • Give you concrete skills for self-care
  • Share the story of my own “hitting bottom” moment

After you have listened to it, post your thoughts below!

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How to Balance the Past with the Present

Got the holiday blues? If so, you are not alone.

You might be surprised to know how many people are feeling down at this time of year, even if it’s not always obvious. Nonetheless, it is still far too easy to become isolated in a world that has seemingly gone temporarily insane with holiday gladness and cheer!

Life-changing loss of any kind can rob you of the ability to experience and enjoy even the most simple pleasures of the season.

Ongoing grief, whether it began within the last year or within the last decade, can cast a shadow over even the brightest holiday lights.

And if you feel gripped with sorrow because of lingering regrets, it can seem impossible to enjoy the moment at hand.

When you can’t get off what I call the “woulda-shoulda-coulda train,” you’re stuck in the past. In essence, it’s that simple. But there is a way to get off that train. And it’s surprisingly simple, even if it isn’t always easy.

The trick is to learn how to balance the past with the present.

You don’t have to completely push away the past; you just have to hold it a bit differently inside yourself. You don’t have to do it perfectly (no one can do it perfectly!). It’s a kind of balancing act. And you can learn how to do it.

It’s all about letting go.

“Letting go” is a pretty misunderstood concept. But once you have a better idea of what it does and does not mean, you’re halfway there. To let go, in essence, is to accept the present moment, as it is, right now, one breath at a time, one moment at a time.

Whether you lost something you wanted to keep, walked away from something you now miss, or just feel caught up in the crazy push-pull of change (chosen or not), it is possible to honor all of your feelings while also allowing yourself to experience the pleasures, great and small, that are right in front of you in the present moment. And wouldn’t it be nice to suffer a little less and enjoy yourself a little more, even given the heaviness in your heart?

“Anything I even let go of had claw marks all over it.”

A friend of mine once spoke this phrase and I have never forgotten it. Can you relate? I certainly can. I really do “get it” about how hard it is. And these practices I teach to clients and students are the very same ones that have saved me more than once and made all the difference between misery and tranquility when the going gets tough.

Sometimes, honoring the very fact of your mixed feelings is all that’s required to soften your grief, lift your spirit, and grant you serenity.

At a particularly tender change point in my own life, I was caught up in the power of the ambivalence I was feeling and wrote a song about what “letting go” was feeling like to me in the experience I was having. I added some of my photographs and created a simple slideshow to go with it.

I hope it helps you to let go a little more easily.

Are You Feeling Down This Holiday Season?

If you’re feeling down this holiday season, you are definitely not alone.

It’s actually a very tough time for a lot of people. Despite the appearance that everyone is fairytale happy and enjoying Hallmark-perfect family, friends, and celebrations, many people are struggling deeply and secretly counting the days until it’s all done and over with for another year.

“Holidays” can become “hellish” days when you can’t figure out how to balance the past with the present.

The real challenge is to find ways to take care of yourself during this season of what one colleague of mine calls “forced jolliness.” I know it’s a tall order sometimes! But it is definitely possible.

When you’ve suffered a loss, (and especially if you’ve suffered multiple losses), it’s only natural to feel even worse at this time when the whole world around you seems to be deliriously happy.

Believe me when I tell you that there is nothing wrong with you! At the same time, wouldn’t it be nice to suffer a little less and enjoy yourself a little more, even given the heaviness in your heart?

Are you tired of the push-pull you’re feeling this holiday season?

If you’re yearning for some serenity, peace, and joy but feeling gripped with nostalgia, or regret, or plain old grief, take heart: there are some simple ways to find your balance in the midst of it all.

Here’s the link to my podcast episode that’s all about how to get through the holiday season with less “wear and tear” on your spirit.

Let me know how I can help. Feel free to post your thoughts below. And remember to hang in there, baby. This too shall pass.

Listen to this episode. Post your thoughts below!